Remembering Roy

David describes how important it is to him as a gay man to keep alive the memory of his deceased long-term partner.

Duration 02:54


And, one thing which has always stuck with me, and that is that after Roy died, and it was obvious to friends both gay and non-gay how devastated I was, one woman said to me – not a gay woman but she was a very good friend – she said, ‘your grief is your tribute to Roy’, and I think that’s a wonderful way of putting it, and it makes it easier for men in particular to express their grief, because it is a tribute to the person who has died. And it somehow makes it easier in talking to people. I don’t say that I go out of my way to do this, but I’m very anxious that Roy’s name should be kept alive. And, I do always bring him in to conversations, like I remember Roy and I had this fantastic holiday in Venice or wherever. Because, I’m well aware that some other groups of friends, a gay friend of theirs has died, and it’s curious, although they were close friends, his name is never mentioned. And, I think this is awful, because people shouldn’t just disappear like a puff of smoke, and I’ve made very sure that as part of my growing old, growing very old now, as a gay man, that this is something – the love of my life should not be forgotten. Because, Roy was the love of my life. We were absolutely faithful to each other. I know that Roy had not had any meaningful sexual encounter with anybody before he met me, and so it remained. And it’s something which I am enormously grateful to him, because in a sense, apart from his stroke and his death, I have never had a problem in my life as a result of knowing Roy. It was the perfect relationship.