'Stuck between two worlds'

Emma explores the similarities between being bi and having Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Duration 02:06


Read Emma’s blog, Diary of a Disabled Person.


And you're kind of stuck in this hinter-world with CFS because you are so obviously disabled when you're in a wheelchair but you can still walk. And you're kind of, not quite disabled, but not quite able-bodied. And you're stuck in the hinter-world and it's very awkward to find your identity and I struggled for years and years with that. And because I was struggling with that identity, I didn't get time to explore my sexuality. I just assumed I was straight, even though all the signs were there that I was definitely not straight. And so it took me till I was midway through my degree before I really started to explore my sexuality. And, I'd ended up, I’d been really ill, I'd had major surgery and I was having to get all fixed up. I was in a real mess when I kind of started to think about my sexuality and to pick up the clues that I liked women as well as men, and that was OK.

And so bisexuality, which is what I now identify as, again is very much stuck between two worlds. Even in 2019 biphobia still exists, from both the hetero and the LGBTQ+ community. The straight people will often say, just pick a side. And gay people will sometimes say that I kind of made a choice not to be a lesbian to make it easier on myself in life. So you're stuck in this hinter-world. And I was actually kind of glad that I had experience of this chronic illness where I was disabled but I wasn't, because I was now suddenly gay, but not gay. And it was almost exactly the same. And it helped me come to terms with it, helped me find my identity.